this girl ripped her galaxy leggings today and i couldnt stop laughing because there was a rip in the fabric of space
Have you ever bullshitted an assignment so hard you basically laugh after every sentence you write
it’s ironic how middle school boys will make fun of the gay kid but then draw dicks on literally everything
It’s fun to chant “Bloody Mary” into your car’s side mirror three times and watch her jog and try to keep up.
A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father
"Well son, now that you’ve got a kid of your own, I think it’s time to give you this"
"Dad, you don’t mean-"
"Yes son, I do" *Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th Edition*
"Dad… I’m honoured…", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes.
"Hi honoured", replies his father. "I’m dad".